Heavy in Your Arms Chapter 16: Lost and Found
by laurah1236
Summary: After Alessandra and Blakes kiss Alessandra knows what she has to do...say good-bye. But can she let go?


**Hey guys! This is supposed to be my last chapter. But I really enjoy writing this story soooooooo muchhhhhhh...so I might consider continuing...only if you guys like the idea:) Please leave a review saying whether you'd like to see the story continue. Thanks for reading as always. :)**

Before I knew it his lips came down on mine, they were soft and warm but held something real as if he'd been waiting for this. I could feel myself lean my head back onto the grass as his lips only came down on mine harder. His entire body on top of me now and I could barely grasp what was happening. My mind was yelling at me _stop, this is wrong, stop._ But my heart lingered to his lips as his lingered on mine wanting the kiss just as badly. His tongue traced my upper lip, and I could feel myself adjusting to all his movements. I ran my fingers through his hair while he caressed my face, it was all so fast, but all so passionate I couldn't stop myself. Until Michael's face ran through my head - I put my hands on blakes shirtless chest and pushed him off me. He got off me and looked at me apologetically.

"I-Im sorry, I shouldn't have" he said embarassed while still trying to catch his breath.

I looked down at the grass trying to put myself together again.

"It wasn't just you, this was a mistake, I'm sorry I have to go" I said before rushing towards a small path that would take me towards the other side of my neighberhood.

"Wait- no, don't go- Alessandra, I'm sorry..." he said as I ran towards the path.

I was so stupid. What was I thinking? - I wasn't thinking.

I was still soaking wet as I approached my house but my parents weren't home and I knew I had left my keys at Blake's...as well as my sanity. I knew I'd have to eventually go back and get the keys, but right at this moment I just wanted to lay in bed and fall asleep and forget this day ever happened.

Blake was my friend, that's all we were ever going to be, right? He was sweet and deffinitley attractive, but I wasn't attracted to him, right? He didn't like me? I didn't like him? Why did I kiss him back?

All these questions raced through my head as I tried so very hard to fall asleep, to leave it all behind me. But as I should know so well; leaving things in the past and moving on wasn't my specialty.

Thats when I heard a knock on my front door, I didn't even have to check the window of my room to know it was Blake. I didn't want to talk to him right now, I didn't want to talk about _it_ right now. But I know he's been there for me, he was there when no one else was, I didn't deserve him but there he was knocking on my door like clock-work, like perfection.

Alot of things runned past my mind during his knocks, the memories flashed by one after another...

The second time I saw Blake and heard his breathtaking voice...and the lyrics that tore me apart that night.

Him asking the world of me; asking me to trust him before we jumped from the waterfall together.

Blake and I sitting in his tree house talking before placing his hand on mine.

Blake getting me off the road last week and talking me through the devastation of Michael's last words.

Blake being there. Blake caring.

I really was a monster...

I snapped out of my thoughts and joined the reality that Blake; the caring, sweet, hazel eyed boy was waiting outside my door and I was sitting on my bed thinking about him.

I got up from my bed and rushed downstairs opening the door as I saw him walking away thinking I wasn't going to open the door. He turned back at the opening of the door and I could see his tentative smile growing.

"Look Alessandra...I.." he began to say before I interrupted him mid-sentence.

"No, don't...don't apologize...please" I said sitting down on the porch swing as he walked towards me.

"No, I know you are still going through things with Michael and-"

"Please, can we not talk about Michael? Not now.." I said as he sat on the swing with me.

"But I don't want you to have to be strong for me..." he whispered to me sincerely.

I turned myself to face him and made sure I had his full attention before saying:

"You don't get it do you? I'm not trying to be strong for you. No...I'm strong because of you, because you got me through it. Because I pushed you away and you fought back, and I've pushed everyone in my life away, everyone. And everyones retaliated but everyone's given in, everyones let me win. But that's not how its like with you, you don't let me win, so thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me when everyone else has including myself. Blake...you're so much more, more then anything I could ever offer you, you deserve better. So go...walk away. Go, because this is me caring enough for you to know you can have so much more, love so much more, live so much more with someone else" I told him feeling one small tear roll down my cheek.

I didn't want to say good-bye I really didn't but knowing all he could have without me, knowing how much he'd have to go through with me led me to my selfless act. My selfless act of trying to let Blake go. For the first time it wasn't about my pain, about everything I'd been through, it was about Blake, and if I cared for him at all I would have to let him go.

He looked at me then before he started laughing. "What's so funny?" I tell him tooken aback. I had just poured out my soul to him and he was laughing at me?

"Alessandra don't you understand? I don't want anybody else, I want you. Sure you're not easy, heck tell me who is? I don't want a girl that laughs louder then everybody else, I don't want a girl that has had an easy life, and has never had to endure anything, that takes it all for granted. I don't want a pretty face. I want someone real, I want someone who makes me smile for absolutely no reason and who's tears bring me to tears. I-simply-want-you" he said before taking my hand.

I looked at him straight on to make sure I hadn't just hallucinated what he just said. His eyes burned through me before his lips came down on mine again. I put my hands around his neck feeling his warmth, while he moved his hands up my waist. His movements were soft but full of passion. The moment felt real, the moment felt right.

And somewhere in the middle of that long kiss time stood still.

Somewhere in the middle I forgot the past for those seconds...

Somewhere in the middle I felt want, want and need...

Somewhere in the middle I saw a future where I smiled everyday...

Somewhere in the middle I lived, and found myself again.


End file.
